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Lander, WY — The Cowboy State’s premier prairie dog prognosticator emerged from her hole this morning and predicted six more weeks of Wyoming weather being Wyoming weather.
“Tomorrow there could either be a white-out blizzard or it could be 68 degrees and sunny. Or both,” Lander Lil said, leaning against her bronze likeness near the Lander Post Office. “We live in Wyoming: who the hell knows what the weather is going to be like ten minutes from now, much less six weeks?”
Pushing up the bill of her King Ropes hat, Lil elaborated on her prediction of unpredictability. “Whether this statue casts a shadow or not, it’s highly likely that the weather over the next several weeks — next several months, actually — is an absolute crapshoot. Your guess is as good as mine.”
Lil affirmed that she has never been wrong since her first year of formal forecasting in 1984. “One hundred percent accurate,” the ground squirrel confidently stated. “Every year I say it’s going to be either an early spring or a late one. Or maybe there won’t be a spring at all. It’s Wyoming, so no matter what I predict, I’m right.”
When asked to compare her record on February 2 against that of Pennsylvania’s Punxsutawney Phil, Lil chuckled. “Groundhog Day? More like Prairie Dog Day. Phil’s such a fraud,” she said. “Sure, he gets all the national attention, but his prediction is accurate, what, like, 40% of the time?”
“Hell, even Don Day’s forecasts are better than that,” Lil added.
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